There's No Man behind that Curtained Screen!

Is it parenting in general or parenting in the Bay area that sends one into psychotic spasms every so often?

At dinner the other night, I asked my family to think with me about solutions for living a more sane, cooperative life. You would have thought that I asked if I could pull their teeth to hang as popcorn ornaments! I just needed some help figuring out how to better manage chores, homework, after-school play dates and sports.

I know that as the one parent who stays at home more, I am under a few major "isms." The "ism" that assumes that I will cook every night (because: I am faster, less employed, have food restrictions, the kids can't do it - they have soccer and Kung Fu); that I will hunt and gather our vital vittles (and make sure that it's: cheap, organic, varied, yummy); That I will clean the house (because: people are coming over, it's Shabbat, please no chores on Saturday, and, personally, I can't even think when stuff is spewed all around me); That I will chauffeur everyone (no matter that their schools are at different towns or that I get to work less), volunteer to make and bring a dish to the sick, gather supplies for the homeless bags, and create lessons and activities for our home Jewish schools; Or that I will use most of my other waking hours to work out and go to my 12-step meetings and get some co-counseling help (otherwise my family will really despise me). No, it's the constant need for self improvement so that I won't screw up my kids, so that my relationship with my partner goes well, so that I will be able to grasp that sought after euphoric, confusing state of "Happy."

And Frankly, what would I do if I wasn't doing all of the above? Well, there's a stumper for you.

With my attention waning towards highly functioning ADD levels, sometimes not so highly, I, like so many others, have a hard time sitting without external, electronic stimulation. And I am not even hooked up to a blackberry, a Wii, or a text-messaging system. Frankly I am practically a Luddite, yet, I check my email fifty times a day, or string it all together and spend hours on the computer. I live vicariously cheering 400 lbs. contestants to not eat a roomful of Krispy Kremes on the Biggest Loser campus; I am Simon Cowell's Evil Twin, as I berate and slash wanna-be singers on American Idol; And I secretly, or not so secretly, vote off any "weak" link in my couch travels to Survivor's Exile island.

I did consider, for a millisecond, to turn off all screens for a week. But how will I function and what will I do? Although we limit our kids' screen time to an hour of their choice, when they are with us on weekdays, watching TV with us doesn't count against that time. So, we have gotten into the habit of making dinner and flopping in front of the mesmerizing Great Big Light, and getting engulfed in other people's lives. It's not horrible. We have discussions about body image and sexism (Paula Abdul's constant comments about a female contestant at least being pretty, even if her voice is less so); About addictions, drugs and the need to get out your feelings or you end up on the Biggest Loser... We skip through the commercials, thank God! And we talk about how to conserve, reuse, recycle and get closer to each other with Oprah's challenge to consume less and get out more. But, we do have a hard time figuring out how to get involved in other things. What to do if we were not entertained by the great, swooping talons of technology.

I am aware of the decline in knowing how to entertain myself. I love to hike and paint and photograph and garden. Yet, daily, I get pulled into a magnetic relationship with one non-monogamous screen or another. I think it may be time for weighing and measuring my screen time and my family's communal screen time.

We do read aloud together. We insist, with much initial kvetching, on walking around the neighborhood. We go to cafes with Scrabble and Dominoes. We camp. I wonder if we could take a chunk of the summer, and not use the computer or TV for entertainment. What would we do?

Maybe we would have more time to be helpful and do the dreaded chores together. It may seem less isolating, for me anyway. Maybe we could try new things, like learning an instrument? Maybe we could build a fort? Maybe I could finally use my art studio as something other than a shed? maybe I could take all my broken ceramic boxes and actually do a mosaic that I've been wanting to for several years? Maybe we could even cook a meal and walk to friends on a Thursday night? Maybe we could stop driving so much and teach our kids urban bike riding and map reading? Maybe we could show them how easy it is to play football in the park, which really is only two blocks from our house.

Maybe I could figure out how to just lie in the hammock and do nothing?
Maybe I could conquer my fear of trampoline jumping and relent to my children's begging?

I don't think this is so insurmountable. I actually remember the days when we wrote letters and were excited to get something unexpected in the mail. And I remember when my parents told me that they'd see me at dark for supper. And no,I didn't get kidnapped. And there were no minutes to go over and pay exorbitant fees for such, in fact, there were no bills for the cell phone at all. And the world as we know it, didn't fall into disarray, as it has now, because of massive overspending and consuming when we couldn't afford things.

Wait till I bring up this concept at dinner.